Musings and Meanderings

As most of you know, my sister is mentally ill.  Diagnosis roams from bi-polar disorder to schizophrenia.  Problem is that it's rather difficult to get a definitive diagnosis when she refuses to stay with a doctor long enough for her or him to be able to pin on on her.  And then, it's totally up to her whether or not she allows her latest doctor to access any of her previous records.  So far she has refused to sign the paperwork for any of them to access her past medical records.   

Unfortunately, the way the system is set up, she's the only one able to talk to her doctors and she's really good at giving them a song and dance for the short time period of her appointments.  She knows the system and knows how to exploit it.  Without either input from the family or access to her medical history, pulling the wool over the eyes of her latest medical provider is fairly easy to do.  This also appears to be fairly typical behaviour for the mentally ill, in general.

In the years since she was diagnosed, I've gone from shock to pity to empathy and now finally to anger.   The anger really erupted over the weekend.  Since I tend to be a logical person, being this angry was a bit of a surprise to me.

It started on Saturday when my father called to chat and wish us a happy easter.  Since I'm the only one of my siblings close to my dad, he always asks me what the latest goings on are from up north.  When I began to tell him about the ongoing fight between my brother and my sister, he immediately started siding with my sister and blasting my brother.  I started to explain what I knew to be the truth and he didn't want to hear it.  We came pretty darn close to an argument about it.  Finally, we agreed to disgaree and changed the subject.

Now, the reason this bothered me so much is because I know my dad is hearing this from my sister.  Problem is, she lies so much to make herself look better and blames everyone else for everything wrong in her life.  We've come to the point that she's lying until she's proven not to be.  ("If her mouth is moving, she's lying.")  OTOH, my brother is no angel and a good target as he is really good at digging his own holes So much so that he needs no help what so ever.  In fact, growing up, he was the point of continual disruption in our family.  Now, mid-forty, he's slowed down and a lot quieter because you can't keep abusing drugs and alcohol at the pace he did when he was in his teens and twenties and still be alive. In addition, all that abuse has taken a heavy toll on his body and he just can't do it anymore.  

Anyway, because of his expertise in hole digging, my sister has discovered that an easy way to deflect people from her bad behaviour is to start telling tales about our brother which is what she is doing.  Her latest is to tell everyone that will listen that my brother stole her car and he's hanging out with "crack whores" which implies he's doing it also.  Truth is, she loaned him her car to go to the store.  He said he'd be gone for fifteen minutes and was actually gone for forty-five.  She got pissed and over the past two weeks this has morphed into him stealing her car.    Him doing crack - until I see it myself or hear it from someone that I can believe, it's simply rumor.  Besides that she's the one that spent the day at her ex-boyfriend's house over the weekend and he's a major dealer.    And, she's the one currently in drug and alcohol rehab due to getting nailed for a second DUI...   

Meanwhile, It really squicks me to almost get into an argument with my father over my brother.  With my dad's current medical problems, I don't want to argue with him which is why we ended up changing the subject without resolving it.  The truly ironic part of it is that I really don't like my brother and I don't have much to do with him but it really bugs the heck out of me to hear someone/anyone being unfairly maligned.  Thus enters Susan, her brother's champion.    (Those who know me will probably think hell just froze over.)   

So that was straw number one.  Straw number two is that my sister is fighting with my brother about some plumbing work he did for her at her house.   Again, same old song in two part harmony, just a new verse.  The song goes like this - my sister wants some work done but wants it done cheap.  She hires my brother  because she knows he is always desperate for money.  She pays him, in advance, a ridiculously low amount for the work.  He takes his good old time getting it done which results in lots of nasty back and forth between the two of them; never voiced to the other but to everyone around them.   This results in everyone in the small town they live in being involved in it so there's no easy way for the family to ignore it.   The new verse this time around is that the plumbing job  he did (essentially replumbing most of her house) is not worth the $300 she paid him, only $100.  (I want ot find a plumber who will show up for a $100!!!)   So, she's keeping his tools to get back the $200 she "overpaid" him.  Without tools, he can't work.   Hence, world war 3 with my mom/the town in the middle. 

Straw number three is my sister carrying tales to my mom's husband behind my mom's back.   Mom's husband has some issues and there's no love lost between him and my brother.  My sister is taking advantage of that to fan the flames against my brother.  Unfortunately, the only person who suffers for this is my mom as her husband lashes out at her about it instead of talking to my brother.   Mom's nerves are so bad at the moment with all this shit going on that she's vomiting when she eats.  Really not good.  

So, to go back to the beginning, I'm angry, really really angry.  Meanwhile, my sister is also suing anyone and everyone.  She put a PFA against her boyfriend and the following week violated it by going to his house and moving back in with him.  Now she's threatening to have him put in jail if he comes near her even though she's living in his house while he's staying with my brother.   She's holding everyone hostage and it's got me savagely pissed off.  I know I have no control over any of it, need to set it aside, and I will.  It's just going to take me some time. 

I really dislike this nasty, malicious person that my sister has become, mentally ill or not.  

For those who wonder about mind - body linkage, I'm a poster child for what can happen.  Stress levels at work have been really high since coming back from the holiday break and my sister is in the midst of another psychotic episode.  This equals a nasty cold that set its hooks into me for a few weeks, toying with me, until it finally knocked me off my feet for five days.  My body's way of saying, slow down and chill out or I'm not going to give you a choice.  And it didn't.

My sister's "episodes" seem to be getting closer and closer.  This time, the last one was only six months ago.  It used to be we could get anywhere from 13 months to two years in between.  Ah, those were the good ole days.  Six months leaves the caretakers barely enough time to recover before being body slammed back into hell again.  

The other thing we are learning is that every break with reality also sees some kind of escalation in her behaviour.  This time around, she physically assaulted my mother a week ago.  My sister shoved her, knocking her to the ground and mom hit her head.  My mother has a really, REALLY bad back and this could have been a lot worse that it turned out to be.  I'm just thankful the ground was no longer frozen when this happened.  Of course, it also all occurred at 4 am accompanied by a lot of foul language being screamed at the top of her voice (my little sister has the language of a sailor when she's like this) in my mom's front yard.  Lucky mom.  Luckier neighbors.  *sigh*  And lest I forget, all of this was preceded by her kicking my brother in the groin.  Later that morning, when my mom tried to get her 302'd (involuntarily committed), they told her no, it sounds like a domestic dispute.  This despite all of them knowing my sister by name at mental health and knowing her history. 

Two days later Mom took my sister (at her request - she has lucid moments where she's amenable to treatment) to mental health but they refused to admit her.  Instead, they put her in a 10 day intensive outpatient therapy program.    Meanwhile, having worn out her welcome with everyone, she's staying with my mom.  *sigh*   (I don't even want to think about some of the things I said when my mother told me this.  Let's just put it down as I was not a happy camper.)

So this brings us up to this past weekend.  Saturday night, my sister went with my mom and her husband to the local VFW for bowling league night.  While there, my sister started drinking and then began telling everyone how "if she had a knife she would have stabbed my mom Friday night".  Mom downplays this when telling me but I don't feel the same way.  My sister *is* dangerous when she's mixing anti-psychotics and alcohol.  I managed to talk my mom into calling my sister's case manager and telling him what happened.  I'm planning on following up with a phone call to him myself just to make sure she's told him.   Personally, I'm hoping this is enough to get her remitted to a psych ward for a while.  Ideally, I would love to see her have to do 90 days in a psychiatric facility but that's just wishful thinking on my part.

I understand the laws are there to keep people from committing eccentric rich old Aunt Sady to get control of her money but how much do we - her family - have to suffer?  Besides that, at the rate she's going, she's going to hurt someone and end up in jail.  Jail isn't where she belongs.  She needs to be treated,  taught about her illness, and how to best manage it in the hopes of being able to lead a some what normal life.

Meantime, any time she slips into psychosis, it's always her family's fault for being "too controlling".  She keeps threatening to move far, far away and never speak to us and I just keep thinking about buying her a ticket.  A one way ticket....

As all of you have probably picked up by now, I'm not a teetotaler. *s*  On hand, I have some red wine, one or two bottle of blush/rose wine, coffee, lots of different hot tea choices, water (filtered from the refrigerator dispenser), and some selection of sodas.  (Soda selection doesn't include coke or pepsi IIRC last time I looked.  The s.o. and I don't drink soda nor do most people we know so I don't tend to have it on hand.)  Anything else you may want, feel free to bring. 

Oh yeah, we also have two guest bedrooms and a pullout sofa (queen sized bed) in the media room all on the second floor.  (We're going to watch True Blood in the family room on the first floor.)  If someone needs crash space, we've got some spare beds. 

So, I've volunteered to host a viewing for the first season of HBO's new series True Blood.  This is the new Alan Ball (the creative genius behind Six Feet Under) series based on the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris.

If you're part of RTSFS and interested in attending, comment, I'll friend you and then add you to a private group that will contain all the postings related to the upcoming event. 

Thank the ghods! 

Does anyone have a truly wonderful yule holiday these days?  Despite all the sugary, sweet pap the idiot tube tries to force down our throats about the lovely warmth of holidays spent with those you "love", I don't have a single friend that has experienced that.  Holidays are rushing around, shopping, spending too much money to buy stuff most of the recipients could care less about (and usually don't need), and filled with fights with family members from too much togetherness.  Yeah, I'm cynical.  *laugh*

This year, we opted to stay home instead of traveling to visit family.  (I'm talking family by blood here not family by love.)  It's a little less stressful that way but family still has a way to reach out and bash you in the head no matter where you try to hide.  At least I got to deal with it in our home, surrounded by our stuff, with lots of animals to provide me comfort and lots of wine (that I like!) and chocolate to pacify me.